You’re lying on the optician’s floor with your feet up on the chair, congratulating yourself on avoiding actual unconsciousness so they won’t call an ambulance
You successfully dismount from pillion on your husband’s motorcycle without depositing yourself in the gutter, despite spending the entire journey wondering just how in hell you were going to do so (after more than twenty years not even attempting this manoeuvre)
You eventually realise that your left leg is not permanently dislodged from the rest of you as a result of your aforementioned ill-advised motorcycle adventure, after two car test-drives and a two-mile walk home “cure” it
You decide to roll with the ridiculous blingy car the hire company upgrades you to for your short holiday, even though the whole point was to test-drive a sensible replacement for our stolen vehicle
You watch back to back ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ because you’ve discovered it on iPlayer when bed-ridden with flu – and realise this can transform your life because you can now choose to do the ironing at any time you like, rather than only in the late morning when HUTH is aired
You write a daft blog-post and post it BEFORE 10AM (despite the fact that your more serious article on suburban theatre remains unwritten, a proposed cake is as yet unbaked and the house is waiting to be cleaned)