Middle of the night.
Adjacent snoring situation. Overheated and not at all sleepy. Decamp to my daughter’s old room where a bed is always made up. Chuck off the piles of ironing awaiting attention. About to climb in with my book, when I notice some reddish spots and lumps on the far edge of the white duvet – up against the wall. Oh lord – has the cat had a ‘problem’ up here again? It’s really quite revolting – although mercifully not enormous.
I am grossed out, but also perplexed. It is, after all, not the best time of day to analyse deposits. Nevertheless, I am intrigued and look around me for more evidence. Horrifically, on the wall above the bed, I see what appears to be the remnants of someone’s brains, blown out – presumably – silently and before an almost-successful clear up of the body.
Suitably annoyed now, given that I quickly and sensibly decided against the notions of either feline or cranial explosion, I moved to my son’s old room and settled to read in a less comfy bed there instead.
On enquiring of my daughter the next day, it seems that the ‘blood and guts’ were in fact sweets which had been affixed with glue to a birthday poster presented to her some 8 years ago. Obviously. These had survived on her bedroom wall all that time, until the temperatures rose above 35 degrees for an extended period last week.
Apocalyptic times.
She is coming next week to remove ALL items from the wall. This will perhaps save me from further macabre discoveries.